True Adamance
Praetoriani Classiarii Templares
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
21
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Posted - 2015.10.27 20:27:00 -
[1] - Quote
My interpretation of Dust 514's recent Hotfix..... composed entirely through the lens of 2008 Batman quotes....
CPM Kevall Longstride: What do you propose?
The Rattati: It's simple. We, uh, buff the Gallente Assault.
[mobsters.... um CPM laugh]
CPM Aeon Amadi: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
The Rattati: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Amarr Assault: Then why do you want to nerf me?
The Rattati: [giggling] I don't, I don't want to nerf you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off Minmatar players? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
Amarr Assault: You're garbage who balances based on hard statistics and battlefield trends.
The Rattati: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just OP, like me! They need to blame you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of of a new Fit of the Month. They're only as good as the meta allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these dedicated players, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just balancing out the curve.
[The patch comes through and in the aftermath of the changes Rattati finds himself monologuing dramatically as the CPM are called into a web conference, his sanity shattered by these forums.]
The Rattati: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this game with a few forum posts and a couple of percentage tweaks. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, the Combat Rifle rifle will get a rate of fire nerf, or the Complex 120mm Armour Plate will recieve a 13% increase to armour conveyed, nobody panics, because it's clear and it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that one little old dropsuit will confer a rate of fire buff, well then everyone loses their minds!
Em shah tey et naGÇÖemsaer ek rahvi, amarr osedah gasi ubday pahk. Ekin tey vahka ijed div ema ziel. Et tey vamatal em.
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